Love Letters To My Unborn Child
by obsessivelyfanaticgw09
Summary: My love...My little tiny, miraculous, baby, growing inside of me…strange to think about.  Written like diary entries! Part 1 of 3
1. December 18th

**So I wanted to post something to let you guys on here know that I didn't die XD**

**I haven't had time to read much fanfiction lately =( or write, DX so I haven't been on too often. **

**Well, I decided a couple things recently. **

**One...His Eyes is not going to be finished on here unless in gets more reviews. **

**Two... I'm not gonna post any more of Mr. Todd Do You Believe in Ghosts? Until I am finished writing that one. **

**And Three...to keep myself writing, I'm posting these drabbles every once in a while. **

**These are called, "Lover Letters to my Unborn Child". They are based off a short inspirational story I read in "Stories for a teens heart" **

**This has nothing to do with any of my other fanfics, I just wanted to try something that I haven't really thought about...that you'll find out about later.**

**I will be updating this whenever I get the chance to write, edit it (kinda, I've told you before I can't edit well) and post it.**

**So yay!**

**Now that my note is longer then the drabble, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>December 18th<strong>

Today… I found out you are there.

It's surreal, really when you think about it.

I never figured it would happened. I had wished and even prayed…but I never figured it really would.

Here…I'm sorry…let's start over.

My love.

My little tiny, miraculous, baby, growing inside of me…strange to think about.

You _are_ strange to think about. I can't feel you physically yet. But I feel you in my heart. You're warming it already. I can already picture you. You're so perfect, how else could you be?

Well...Let's see...

My name is Eleanor Lovett. But you won't know me as that, you'll know me as your mother, hopefully. (Course, I went through a time in my childhood when I wanted to call my mother by her first name, perhaps you will too!)

In seven short months, I'll be your mother...wow

I'm sorry…but I do have to tell you something, love. Might as well get it out there...

Your father…doesn't want you.

It's too soon for you to know, and I wish you could live happily oblivious for the rest of your days like you do right now. But I'm afraid that it'll only get harder and harder for you as time goes on…for the both of us, I suppose.

I don't want to tell him.

I'm sorry…but I don't want to tell him you're here…with me.

I don't know if I can stand in front of him, look him in the eyes, and tell him I'm with-child.

I can already hear his words. I can already feel them piecing right through me as he blames me and tries to make me think that all you are is a huge mistake. I already feel the tears running down my cheeks. I can already hear the constant nagging that kills me slowly inside…and will eventually kill you too.

I guess that's just what he wants. Will want? Already wants...if he knew...

So what can waiting a few months do?

Someday I'll tell him…

Someday when I'm stronger... Someday when we are both stronger.

Maybe by some miraculous way, he'll react in the way that Mr. Barker did.

Or…Benjamin. I suppose. If that's what he really wants me to call him. "Oh no, call me Benjamin" he says. Oh…it makes me blush like a child. Can you feel the butterflies that take flight in my stomach whenever he walks by?

You'll like him love…when you meet him. He'll probably act more like a father to you then your actual father.

Don't ever tell them about this, but I was there when Lucy told him about Johanna. Musta been about a year ago now.

And your father will not react in the same way.

He won't hang his mouth open in disbelief (well…ha…he might) but it won't be as a smile slowly curls on his lips. He won't have his breath taken away by the thought…by the thought of having a child. Not like Benjamin. He won't wrap his arms around me and crush me into a hug, and then quickly pull away with shame coating his features as he apologies for fear that he's hurt you!

And he won't cry in joy. He won't laugh. He won't start talking about where the cradle will go and if we should repaint the walls to make it cheerier (yellow and green…perhaps)  
>I'm sorry, love...but he won't…because he's Albert…he's your father.<p>

So I'm not gonna tell him.

God knows if he'll even notice anything different about me as you grow.

My mum always said I should name my first born boy after my husband to show my love and devotion for him.

I'd rather die then have another Albert in the house.

**review please! I'm feeling rather review deprived!**


	2. January 7th

**Yay update!**

**Thanks to thefanficwriter and bookwatchertox for reviewing and alerting! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

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><p>January 7th<p>

Today, I couldn't hide my excitement I feel because of you anymore.

I told Benjamin. I know you probably want me to tell your father, in fact, I probably _should_ have told him first…

And I'm sorry I haven't yet. I almost feel selfish…like I'm a child keeping a very special present all to myself…I guess my excuse is that your father doesn't want this gift…I can't keep you all for myself forever though, I suppose.

So I told Benjamin. My heart was beating so fast, and I was shaking. I don't even know why! Excitement, nervousness, simply sitting with the handsome barber? Could you feel it too? How often I wonder these things! Could you hear his happy whispers (well, we _had _to whisper, Johanna was sleeping only a few feet away) as he congratulated me? Could you tell my heart dropped when I told him to please not tell Albert. And could you feel the warm love that flooded through my veins when he didn't even ask why and just said, "I suppose, if that's what you want," I wish I didn't have to leave that moment as my eyes filled up with grateful tears. Simply grateful that at least _one_ person in the world cared for me.

Well, until you come, at least.

I've noticed you've made me especially moody lately…I try not to mean that in a cruel way, I mean it's not exactly like you can help it! It's just true… I'm more absentminded, (or...ha…perhaps that's just how I am). I get more angry when Albert…your father…gets home late, or comes home drunk out of his bloody mind, and I cry over so little.

Sometimes, I lay in front of the fireplace at night, with nothing but the sound of the crackling wood and the smell of it burning to keep me company, it seems. And then I hear giggles and laughter from up above my head, where Benjamin lives with his lovely wife and darling daughter. And I'll sit there until the fire burns to embers, and the parlor is dark and hallow and cold, and I'll cry.

Hours pass still. Hours that are all a blur of an unclear vision and my face, streamed with burning tears.

Hours pass still, and your father still fails to make an appearance. And I have to wonder what in the world he is really doing out there so long… and so late.

It makes me feel so empty and lonely.

But then I remember.

I remember that you are growing inside of me and I feel so much, just, happier.

You're the warm light in my dark, damp parlor every night.

He's not home again tonight as I write this. I'm not even sure what time it is. I just know I made him dinner to come home and enjoy, and it's hours past dusk and he's still not home.

Oh, but don't worry…he'll come home… swinging like crazy. You'll know why, I wage even you will be able to smell the alcohol on his breath.

That's how it was the night I was feeling lonely…Three months ago…when I was feeling lonely. That night he came home drunk as ever. But I didn't care…I was lonely.

I bet he doesn't even remember that night.

When I tell him about you he'll yell and call me a slut and tell me that I should find a way to get rid of you…and fast.

But don't be scared my love. Oh, no, don't be frightened.

Nothing's gonna harm you.

Not while I'm around.

I promise.

I'll leave the country before I let your daddy lay a swinging hand on you.

Hm…

Enough about me though.

Enough about Albert!

Enough about this vile world that your poor soul is being born into.

All I want to do is wipe away everything bad.

All I want for you is to live in a peaceful world, where nothing will ever harm you.

Is that too much to ask?

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><p><strong>Review for more!<strong>


	3. February 14th

**Chapter 3!**

**So, upon realizing that this chapter was going to be in February, I made it Valentines day! So I did some research on Victorian Valentines day and MAN! Victorians were ROMANTIC! Valentines day was a HUGE deal in this time and it's all very interesting…anyway…**

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING! Three reviews and they all make me sooooo happy!**

**So thanks to bookwatchertox, Eleanor Alice Georgopoulos, and Lovely for reviewing my story!**

**And thanks to xX-LadypersoN-Xx and Eleanor Alice Georgopoulos for story alerting!**

**You guys made my day!**

**Enjoy this chapter!**

**February 14th**

Today, I was going to tell him-I swear I was! I mean…it's Valentines day. What better a gift then the one I've been holding back?

I even made a sweet little card for your father with flower pedals and the prettiest birds feathers. I had written a poem also, with the news of you creatively slipped in at the end- I spent hours squinting in the candlelight to write that thing!

I don't remember it now…I had burned it in the fireplace before I gave it to him.

I'm simply so angry! Tears are streaming down my face in the most maddening way. And I'm pressing the pen to the paper so hard I'm afraid I might tear it!

Deep breath now…ok…through my teary gaze I'll sputter out the excuse for letting another day go by without the mention of you.

First of all-I'll say it again- It's Valentines day. What's suppose to be the most romantic day of the year. The day where young couples spend time together simply…loving each other. Where they exchange gifts to show just how much they really mean to each other. Well…that's how it's suppose to be…yes?

You're father wasn't even here when I woke up bright and early to open up shop. Heaven knows if he even ever came home last night…

I waited all day-that card sitting on the counter in the pie shop for him. But the shadows flew across the shop, the clock's hands spun around, and my eyes fell lower and lower.

It was dinner time before he stepped in the door.

At the sight of him I felt my heart leap. My stomach tickled and I was finding it harder to swallow. I was nervous, of course. What would he think? What would he say? What would he do?

"Nellie!" He smiled, and despite my anger, I smiled back. Cause I could tell-what a relief- he hadn't been drinking.

"Albert, finally you're home!" And I sprung step over to him to hand him the card.

The card that held our future- The card that held you.

And he walked right past me, grunting and saying, "It's been a long day. Fix me dinner and a drink."

I felt the hope drain out of me, until… for one second he stopped and looked at me- really looked at me. Under his gaze I felt my breathing become heavy.

"Nellie?" he asked again slowly…I held my breath…just wondering. What could he see? Could he perhaps…see you?

The moment hung in the air, motionless, tense. He noticed. He noticed something? Perhaps? Albert stop staring and say something!

"Lace that corset tighter, you seem to have gained weight," and he continued to walk into the parlor.

For a long instant, my eyes seemed simply frozen in place as my breath flowed out of me. When I finally could blink and fill my lungs again, all I could do was shake my head. Tears threatened to rise form my throat into the bottom of my eyes, but I swallowed them down and sighed. I shook my head harder, as if I could maybe shake away the memory of that moment. I let my eyes dart around on the floor and pushed my lips together. Just completely at a loss for words.

I sighed once again, feeling the sadness give away to anger. And suddenly my loss for words became a million angry buzzing bees inside my head.

Running my hand along the back of my neck, I muttered, "Well so have you bugger. And I don't know what that girl you're seeing every night sees in you…"

Like a fool, I proceeded to fix him a meat pie, although I slipped him water instead of gin- he didn't even notice.

I walked up to him when he was in the middle of his meal. Seemed to be the only time I ever see him now, when he's in the shop scarfing down my pies. I wasn't hungry so he sat alone. He didn't seem to mind very much…

I watched him for a moment, did he even see me standing there before I said anything?

"Albert?" I asked. He looked up from the food, something that he never did very often. That was my cue to say something.

I swallowed hard.

"Do you love me?"

Now, sitting here, looking back, its seems like a foolish question, but it meant so much to me…

"Course I do," He had muttered, gobbling down some more food.

I stopped him then, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Albert!" I walked over to him and pulled his plate out from in front of him.

"Pardon me," He spoke surprised. "But I was eating that."

He reached for the plate but out of anger I tossed it on the floor.

"Nellie?"

"No Albert! For heavens sake! If you really love me look up from you bloody food every once in a while and talk to me! Acknowledge my existence or thank me in the least bit!"

He looked at me like I had lost my marbles and muttered, "Thank you. Happy? Now if you don't mind will you please just pick my food off the ground and…"

I couldn't take anymore. I stormed out of the pie shop, locked myself in my bedroom and…here I am.

And that's why…that's why he doesn't know.

I burned the card. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve the effort I put into it. He doesn't deserve you.

I question just running away. I should just pack up my things and some money and leave! I should. I will. It'll be all too easy! Albert won't even notice if I…

…

Hm…but as I turn the page in this notebook, I'm reminded of what is keeping me here…what is tied to my ankles, weighing me down.

I mean…I couldn't just _not_. So I had made a nice Valentines day card for Benjamin too…and stuffed it in between these pages.

I could give it to him-I won't-but I could.

Just like I could run away from this dreadful, dead town-I won't-but I could.

I think, my love, you'll learn all too soon that you can't always get what you want. Your Mum's 'bout the best example of that you'll ever get. So I'll go over to the fireplace again.

Let the warmth burn away all my troubles, let it take me (not physically of course. God, what an awful way to die.) No-I'll let it take…my emotions…I suppose. Cause all they've ever done is cause me trouble.

I burn the card for Benjamin also-once again leaving me alone.

Hm…I smile…Not alone, I suppose.

I don't know what I'd do without you love- I truly don't.

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><p><strong>Review! They make me soooooo happy=) Thanks again guys!<strong>


	4. March 9th

**Chapter 4**

**Thanks to my reviewers! xX-LadypersoN-Xx, Lovely, and sweenylovett101! =)**

**You guys always make me so happy=)**

**Enjoy chaper 4!**

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><p><strong>March 9th<strong>

I'm sorry love…does it hurt you?

Albert says to lace them tighter-so every morning I pull and pull at those corset strings until I can't catch my breath-until you can't be seen anymore.

I keep telling him that it's not good for you, but all he does is twirl me around and pull them tighter himself, muttering something like, "Now that I can't work, you have to work one hundred times harder. Soon as folks around here see you pregnant they'll call over someone and suddenly you can't work anymore. Just watch." or "No slacking Nellie. No slacking. This isn't my doing so I won't pay for it."

I feel like I'm…like we're…imprisoned. Locked up. Squinting between iron bars-longing to feel the sunlight. To feel loved.

So I supposed you've guessed by now…I finally told your father. And lived to tell the tale. Some days I question if that's even a good thing.

Well, I couldn't very well keep you secret much longer. Specially since your father's leg's finally gone out with the gout. Can't hardly walk. I suppose I'd feel more pity for him if I didn't think it ever so funny how he can't go see that other girl anymore. That's called karma, my child. And it's what he deserves.

Well…anyway. I told him…I didn't intend to this time-perhaps that was right.

I wasn't feeling very well this morning and then your father just goes, orderin me around like I'm his maidservant or something. So I yelled at him. I don't even remember what I was shouting about. I suppose because everything before what he said next was a blur. My mind centered in on what he said so much that it doesn't recall anything before it.

He said, "Nellie? What's gotten into you lately? You're tiered, you're ill, and you've been seeming to get aggravated very easily…"

At the time, I was too angry to notice that, wow, he actually noticed something about me.

All I did was scream back, "Did you ever thing that perhaps, Albert, you're just an aggravating person?"

His eyes grew wide at my insult, "Excuse me?"

But I didn't pay any attention to him and stomped to the other end of the room, preparing to depart and leave the fight be. I don't particularly enjoy arguing. But before I turned the handle on the door to leave I spun back and muttered, "Not that you even care. Don't even bother to act like you do. You care more about that other slut you go and "visit" when you leave me all alone every night…" My voice trailed off to a mumble as my comment made your father's blood boil.

"Me, eh? Don't think I don't see you staring at that bloody barber upstairs every chance you get!"

"Albert! I'm pregnant…"

The silence that engulfed us suddenly was eerie.

"You haven't even noticed. You don't even care, do you? Just…"

Your father had glued his eyes to the ground, his gaze cold and unreadable.

I took in a shaky breath, not even remembering if I had been breathing in the past minute.

"Say something!" I sputtered out as I felt vile tears rise in my throat again.

Albert picked up a picture frame sitting next to him and spun it around in his chubby hands. "Nellie…get rid of it…"

"Wot?" I asked, my heart suddenly racing and my stomach churning. Could you hear what he said?

"I don't want another man's child in my home,".

"Albert it's yours!" I shot back- I just knew this was going to happen.

"Really? I don't exactly remember completing my end of the deal in this little disaster,"

"_Disaster?_" I repeated, hanging my mouth open in wonder and digging my fists into my hips. "It's _your _child!" was all I could seem to mutter out again.

He looked up and I could see in his eyes that he wished he could stand up easier and talk (or yell…rather) to me face to face.

"You're a whore," he said ever so bluntly.

And I couldn't take it anymore. Tears poured over my cheeks. I threw my arms in the air and settled them on top my head, smiling bitterly. "I knew you were going to do this, that's why I waited so long to tell you…"

He was staring at you now, could he still not see?

"How far along are you with it?"

"…Five months…"

"Five months? !"

"I've only known for three! Why are you ever so angry? You didn't even notice! You never even look at me!"

Silence encircled us again and it ran chills up and down my back. He was looking to the floor again. He didn't want to look me in the eyes- He didn't want to look at my stomach.

I know it must hurt to hear this dear, but I find it only right for you to have a correct perception of your father…Don't let him fool you like he fooled me when I married him.

"And we should stop calling her an "it"…she's a girl…I can feel it…"

"Nellie you can't stop working. This can't slow you down…" he ignored me, still not looking up.

"Who's to say what'll happen in the next four months? You might not be able to keep me working…"

Ignoring me again, he continued, "Now go in your bedroom and lace your corset tighter… we can't have anyone knowing…"

I wasn't about to fight anymore. I went in my bedroom.

And that's how it's been for the past week. I go into my bedroom and pull and pull at those strings until I can't catch my breath-until you can't be seen anymore.

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><p><strong>Reveiws and I'll update soon.<strong>

**Thanks my friends!**

**And random! I'm going to see the new Pirates tomorrow! YAY JOHNNY DEPP!**


	5. April 10th

**Chapter five**

**Thanks to my reviewers! (4! THATS A RECORD XD)**

**bookwatchertox- Pirates 4 was amazing! I really want to go see it again!**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx- Haha! Your reviews always make me laugh=)**

**sweenylovett101- I'm glad I'm still your role model…your crazy Sweeney Todd friend XD love you girly**

**Lovely- I'm glad my updates make your day like your reviews make mine!**

**and**

**Thanks to AvidReaderAshley for story alerting!**

**Thanks you guys!**

**Enjoy this chappy=)**

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><p><strong>April 10th<strong>

Ella…isn't that a beautiful name? I think so…I hope you like it, love…I do.

God…why am I writing? I'm shaking so…

I'm sorry…I'm sorry…my god…I'm sorry.

I want to tell you what happened today, deary…

But never mind! Goodness!

These are suppose to be love letters…yes?

Darling. My sweet little girl, I love you so! I haven't even seen your beautiful face and I love you!

I'm ever so excited to meet you and hold you and look into your eyes and feel you calm me.

I love you...

I love you so much I'd kill for you…

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><p><strong>=) Review for a fast update!<strong>

**Shall we try for 5?**


	6. April 11th

**YAY 5 REVIEWS!**

**Everybody! Party time! Now who'll bring the donuts? (I don't particularly like cake…so donuts instead!)**

**YAY!**

**So, in celebration, I'm updating fast…ish…**

**And thanks to my reviewers!**

**MissusTodd- I'm sorry I'm killing you!…but maybe that's what I want…. XD**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx- Again, your reviews just always make me so happy!**

**MelodyHightoppTodd-…well ok then! Thanks for finally reviewing and I'm glad you're both enjoying the story! XD… Ah! My Phantom of the Opera friend just informed me who Erik is! Hm….I understand now…*content smile* and thank you also for Author Alerting and Favoriteing, AND Story Alerting and Favoriteing=) **

**Sweenylovett101-Oh dear…so Sweeney Todd helps you think better? Well that's…good…I guess…strange child…**

**Lovely- Well, you see, to answer you question…op! SPOILERS! Read to find out=) And thanks for being an awesome reviewer!**

**Oh MY! That was long!**

**Well, to make up for it, I think the chappy's pretty long too! **

**What? You read the whole Author's note? WELL GET ON WITH THE STORY! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

**April 11th**

The area has a certain haunting feeling to it now. The shop. The parlor. The bedroom. The stairs down to the bake house…

I'm not entirely sure what to write here anymore to fill up these pages.

I want to tell you…

Are you too young? How am I to know when (if ever) I'll actually let you read these letters?

I guess you should know.

I guess if I'm ever going to trust anyone, it should be you. But listen love, you have to understand, I did it for you! I did it for us. I wouldn't of done it, if I didn't think life would be better without him…

Don't tell nobody, please. It wasn't me. I didn't plunge a knife into his chest or sneak arsenic into his gin. No…no…he simply…fell…that's all.

I don't even remember… I can't even recall it. It's like I was outside my body, watching myself do it from above.

I suppose it started when he saw my sitting in the booth in the pie shop yesterday. I suppose it started when we began arguing. That's all we ever do nowadays. Now, I truly _do _miss the days when he didn't come home at all. I liked it better when we didn't talk at all as opposed to now…or _then _rather…when we did talk.

Anyway, he wobbled into the shop and he said something like, "Nellie? Why are you sitting? I told you! You can't do this! Get back to work! How many pies have you made today?"

Through his yelling all I did was turn my head to look out the window, roll my eyes, and put my hand on you, hoping that you couldn't hear his loud and obnoxious voice.

When he shut his mouth and I could get a word in, I just muttered back, "As many as I always have, Albert. Nobody ever comes to this bloody place anymore anyway…"

He muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear.

"If you're saying something about my corset again, bugger, I'm telling you right now that I can't lace it any tighter. And people have already noticed, obviously. I've only got two months to go, you know. And I'm starting to think I should perhaps go see a midwife…"

"No Nellie, No…we can't afford it. You know that! I told you to get rid of this child a long time ago and you didn't listen to me! Look where that's gotten us now!" he shouted louder and louder, and now I knew you could hear him. He stepped closer to me so that it felt like he was the bigger person (well, he was. Towering over me like that, weighing at least 100 more pounds then you and I combined. Ha…). Anyway…

I felt the heat rising from the pit of my stomach to my face.

"You _know_ that my pregnancy is not the reason for the lack of customers. So stop blaming me and the child!" I shot back, standing up next to him and practically spitting in his face.

He raised his hand suddenly, as if he was going to slap me square on the cheek. I flinched back a bit, but kept myself from moving out of his range.

I growled, "You wouldn't hurt us, you lug…you _can't. _You can't even raise your hand. And that's what you get for gorging yourself into bloatation every minute of your life…". His hand fell…he didn't even have the energy to do it. I resisted the bitter urge to laugh.

You must have been able to feel the tension that hung in the air between us, because you began to squirm. I apologize love…no child should have to hear their parents argue like that.

"You're upsetting her…" I muttered through clenched teeth, still staring into his eyes, hoping my gaze burned through him.

All your father did was smirk at me as I turned red with rage. He turned and began to hobble back into the parlor where he would sit all day while my tiered self ran like a mad woman all over the house tending to him and the shop and the few customers that ever come…just praying for the day to end.

But right when he was about halfway across the shop, he stopped and muttered, "I'm very serious Eleanor…get rid of this child now…or I will get rid of it myself."

I felt my heart stop…I swear for a moment, it was like I was run over by a horse and I couldn't speak or move or breath. I was paralyzed.

This wasn't the first time he had made this threat, love. I just hadn't been mentioning it. I'm so scared every night when I go to sleep. I fell like I'm lying next to a potential murderer. And he might not be able to raise a hand to me…but he would find a way…god he would…god…he will.

That's it…it's over.

And then, something overtook my mind. It grabbed the roots of my thoughts and pulled me forward, until I suddenly found my feet clunking in front of each other heavily, marching across the pie shop. I met with Albert right when he was pulling back the curtains that covered the threshold to the hallway. Right when he was standing at the top of the long, steep, hard, cement stairs leading to the bake house. My hands met with him and pushed him…pushed him aside…

…pushed him to his death…

And as I came back into myself, I realized that I was shaking violently. The deep thudding noises rang in my ears over and over again…and suddenly glancing down the flight, all I could do was scream and scream at the top of my lungs. I felt dizzy as hot tears began to boil in my eyes. The hallway began to spin and I couldn't breath with the way it was tossing me about. The last thing I remember before I drowned in darkness was a voice calling out, "Mrs. Lovett? Mrs. Lovett?"

Next thing I knew, I was in bed. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, but I could feel the softness below my back and a pillow behind my head. As I opened my them, the only thing that made it's way through my blurry wet vision was Benjamin Barker's sweet face.

And then I was sure I'd died. Died and gone to heaven. I was even more positive when Benjamin reached down and placed his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and savored the moment, loving the touch and how it relaxed me and just made me want to sleep…

But the moment was shattered when he moved his hand to my forehead and asked, "Mrs. Lovett? Stay awake now! Are you alright? Can you speak?" and I realized that I was all too alive and Benjamin wasn't caressing me, he was simply checking my temperature.

I opened my eyes all the way and took in a deep breath, filling up my sore lungs.

"Mr. Barker?" I asked as my memory started to come back.

I was at the top of the stairs… and I must of fainted.

_Thank god Benjamin was there to catch us or we'd be at the bottom of the staircase_! I remember thinking.

I picked up my arms from my sides and tried to prop myself up, but Benjamin stopped me.

"Oh no no, pet. You stay right there. Are you felling alright? Sick? Dizzy? What about the child? How's the baby?"

I shook my head and placed my hand on my round stomach, thanking God again for having Ben there to save us from a nasty fall.

"I'll be right back…ok? Don't move, I have to go see if Johanna's alright…" and he ran out of the room, leaving us to catch our breath on our own.

All too suddenly, I remembered everything. The fight…Albert… the stairs… and that's what yesterday's scribbles were all about…the sudden and fresh awful memory in my mind…

I didn't finish the note before Benjamin came back in with a sleeping Johanna in his arms and I had to set the pen and paper aside.

"Sorry, Mrs. Lovett. Lucy and I left poor Johanna all alone upstairs sleeping when we heard you scream. Lucy's gone to fetch a doctor for you. And a constable too, I suppose."

"Constable…" I choked out, trying to sit up again and getting all the way this time. Benjamin grabbed my elbow and helped me most of the way.

"So Albert is…"

Benjamin interrupted me, "Do you remember what happened?"

Did I remember? Of course I did! All too vividly in fact. The fire in my eyes, the uncontrollable drive, the weight of him against my hands…

My eyes darted around, wondering if I could somehow change the subject. Finally, all I muttered was, "He fell…"

"Do you remember anything else?"

I stared down at my stomach and ran my hands over you again. I didn't want to lie…but I wanted much less to tell the truth! When I didn't answer, Mr. Barker mistakenly took that as a no, and went on with the conversation. What a relief…

"I'm not sure how long Lucy will be…"

I didn't exactly have a chance to reply to that because all too suddenly, you surprised me! Your sudden stirring made me jump as you tumbled and moved around so viciously. I gasped as I felt the abrupt movement, and Benjamin was suddenly so scared also!

"Are you alright? Is the child alright? Is something wrong?"

I smiled at his care and muttered, "No no, it's fine. She's just movin a bunch. Startled me…that's all." I couldn't help but smile more at your movements. To know that you're alive and healthy inside of me, it washes away everything outside and makes my world just so happy.

"Maybe I should fetch your midwife?" he asked, standing up brusquely.

"No!" I quickly shot at him, shaking my head. I let silence fall on us again as he kneeled back down next to the bed and didn't ask any questions.

"I'm truly sorry for all of this Mrs. Lovett…how awful it must be…"

At that moment, all I found I had the energy to do was throw myself in Benjamin's arms and sob. I buried my face into his neck and cried and cried. And all he did the whole time was hold me…and I've never felt so loved in all my life, I swear it.

I didn't tell him…and I'll never tell anyone but you. But I wasn't crying because Albert was dead, and it was all so horrible and dramatic. I was crying because it was finally all over. I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore…everything was going to be alright…

Last night, I masked my happiness and relief with sorrow as I soaked my love in my tears.

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><p><strong>Yay!<strong>

**Oh yes! And I have a question for my readers!**

**Would you rather have: More chapters but shorter chapters? Or… Less chapters but longer chapters? **

**Answer with your review!**

**Many more and a fast update will result!**

**You guys really make my days with your reviews! I brag to my unfanfictiony friends and they're just like… "Oh…ok…" XD**

**Have a good day!**


	7. May 2nd

**Chapter 7**

**Yay!**

**AHHHHHHH!SEVEN! Hm…six technically? Naw, I'll say seven!**

**And you guys keep getting better! SEVEN!**

**Sorry for not updating sooner!**

**And, here we go, thanks to!**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx- AHAHAHA! I don't know what else to say to that except…Oh dear…well…I'm glad you like it! XD**

**MissusTodd- Oh! I've been bravoed! Thanks!**

**xDazedandConfusedX- Story with Ella and Nellie? Hmm…and you reviewed twice! I was like…she reviewed chapter 6? And **_**then **_**chapter 5? But then I read it and…yeah…ok! I got it!**

**Sheila Chiaroscura- Ah yes…Albert was being a real idiot…**

**Sweenylovett101- It's ok as long as you got to reading it! Glad you is liking it!**

**and**

**Lovely- I'm glad you brought the donuts! Thank you =) Thanks also for the great reviews, I always look forward to yours. **

**So, in addition to all of these, I would quickly like to thank my reviews of the drabble I wrote, Name. **

**Thanks- Saphire Skyle, Sheila Chiaroscura, ShellyMay, sweenylovett101, and Lovely!**

**Now read on!**

* * *

><p><strong>May 2nd<strong>

The days are finally warming up as the flowers bloom and the trees come to life again. The smell of fresh rain lightens the air and the Londoners seem to walk a little happier-with a spring in their step. I love simply being outside and filling my lungs with the moist air- I love it so.

Let's see…what has all happened in the past few weeks? Well…your father's funeral was on a dark rainy day. Dreary really…nobody really showed up…It wasn't much of anything. Not a memorial-not a place for mourning-it was just another day.

Hm.

Well…I suppose the days _have_ been different. Quieter, lonelier…but still…it's not all necessarily _that _bad, is it now? I mean, you're still her. Not here yet to hold and see, but you're still here…and that's enough to make the days easy enough to get through. To just make me…happy.

I don't bother and try to hide my lack of sadness for my suddenly very empty house. The only people that I really interact with now is the Barkers-which is why this particular letter might seem long and boring-cause I have nothing better to do until you come!

Hm…

I've finally gone to a midwife. Very kind, she is. Scolded me tough for still wearing a corset! Don't worry, I stopped wearing one now…now that Albert isn't here anymore. Over seven months she tells me I am…pinning the day you will come somewhere during a hot day in the middle of June.

I count the days until you will come. I simply can't wait!

Since Albert had his…accident…Benjamin sometimes walks downstairs during the day to check on me. He's ever so caring. I swear I feel you get excited every time he speaks. I always knew you would love him.

We spoke earlier today. I remember I was in a particularly good mood. The sun was so bright and the weather so perfect. It doesn't seem we get too many days like this in dreary old London. Well, I went and sat in the booth in the pie shop. Feeling specially relaxed, I leaned back and laid down on the hard wooden seat. My hair curled over the edges of the side and onto the floor, but in the moment, I didn't mind much. I just smiled at how it made me feel like a girl again. The windows were open and warm sunshine fell through the glass and splayed on my face. I remember just closing my eyes and smiling, loving how everything just seemed so perfect.

I hadn't ever noticed any knocking or even the door opening. I wasn't even aware of Benjamin until he said something.

"I hope you don't mind, but the door was open…"

I gasped as my heart raced. My eyes shot open, but I didn't bother to try getting up.

I knew that sweet voice by heart.

"Oh, sorry…did I startle you?" I heard his apologetic voice.

"Just a bit," I replied with a smile, "Forgotten I left that door open, that's all. It's just such a beautiful day…"

Now I could see his smile as he looked down at me still laying on my back. I wish you could have seen him in that moment, my darling. The sun grabbing his features and illuminating them as his lips pulled up. And the breeze coming through the door and flying through his smooth brown hair…

"Are you alright?" he asked with a chuckle and a smirk.

All I found I could do was have a big foolish looking smile spread across my face and burst into laughter!

Laughing along with me, Benjamin offered his hand and I took it so I could sit up.

"How are you on this fine day?" he said to me after I was up as he slipped into the stool on the other side of the table.

I smiled and nodded in a response, "and you?"

"Smashing…Wonderful day, plenty of customers for the shop. Lucy and Johanna went to the market so I thought I'd stop by to ensure that you were doing alright."

"I'm just fine…we're just fine," I answered placing my hand on my curved stomach, feeling you move below my fingertips. Before he could get anything else said, I went on, my child-like excitement shocking exhilaration into me. "My midwife say's she'll be here in the middle of June. That's almost a month!"

"You're beaming," he mentioned and I pressed my lips together in an attempt to stifle my embarrassing anticipation.

I suppose it didn't really work. "You seem very thrilled!"

I didn't try and stop the happiness this time and I let the smile you constantly cause me freely slide across my lips.

Silence fell over us and I let it wash over and calm me. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of the fresh, clean air, listening to the pleasant singing birds outside. It added to the cheery moment.

All too suddenly though, a different kind of feeling came over me. You tumbled and turned and I think that's when it finally hit me…Hit me straight in the face. It slid down into my chest until it struck my heart and then continued to fall into the pit of my stomach. It stirred up butterflies that rippled from my stomach through my veins to the rest of me. Suddenly I was chilled-I was nervous.

You _would_ be here soon. I'd be a mother…a single, lone mum with time tight…and money tighter.

Benjamin must have noticed as my expression fell. "Wot?" he asked, capturing my declining gaze.

"I'm going to be a mum…my god…in almost a month…" only now my voice wasn't filled with enthusiasm, it was coated with…shock…awe...something else…fear? I suddenly became aware of the fact that my eyebrows were pulled together so tight it hurt.

"I'm not sure I know how to be a mum…I'm not sure I can…". Sitting there and thinking about it, I found myself wishing, for the first time probably ever, that Albert was here. I've never felt so alone and lost. I mean, really, even now, writing this to you, I don't know how everything's going to work out. My mum died before she taught me much…I don't know anything children.

I only want the best for you…

I was on the verge of bursting into tears when Benjamin leaned over and put his hands on mine where they now sat fidgeting nervously on the table. My small, cold hands got lost in his and I followed the loving gesture up to his eyes. He smiled his oh-so wonderful smile and what he said next I'll never forget…I swear it.

"Unconditional love, Mrs. Lovett. Love no matter what. Always be the light in a dark world. Always be the place for refuge, no matter what she's done. That's all that you need to know to be a parent-unconditional love."

I haven't got much to offer, but I've got a roof over our heads, and a whole lot of unconditional love that I want to give all to you, my sweet little girl.

Ella.

Ella Elizabeth Lovett.

I eagerly await the day.

I count the days-the hours-the seconds till you come.

With a smile, a beaming, eager face, arms wide open, and unconditional love- In waiting.

Oh so patiently waiting…

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><p><strong>Review! I LIVE ON THEM!<strong>

**=)**

**And I've decided on more chapters but shorter ones, so I hope it doesn't kill you!**


	8. May 11th 3:01 AM

**Hello my loves! Tis Tuesday so I'm updating! **

**Yay!**

**Hm…my reviewers were slacking this week! O.o **

**Nevertheless…here are, once again, my thank yousssssss!**

**Thanks to…**

**Sheila Chiaroscura- Teehee! I love it when people quote from my story! And yes, from dear man…to dear serial killer…he's lovable both ways!**

**Sweenylovett101- Somehow I wonder how week after week I still remain being your roll model with the way I treat you! XD**

**Lovely- Awww! Your reviews just always make me so happy! I'm glad you like the name! I got Ella from a "popular Victorian names" website lol! and Elizabeth is from my middle name. =) It just seemed to fit so well!**

**And also a big thanks to **

**La Tua Cantante Aro for story alerting and favoriteing! **

**Quick thanks to more reviewers and favoriters of Name**

**Maxine the unknowingly admired, Forensic Nightmare, VioletIsabelleLovett, and Erica Wallace!**

**As you might have noticed, this installment takes place on May 11****th****! **

**This is a friendly reminder to all my fellow Tim Burton/Johnny Depp/Helena Bonham Carter fans that DARK SHADOWS IS SCHEDULED TO COME OUT ON MAY 11****th**** 2012! *fangirl scream!***

**Ok, now that that's over with…**

**On with the short chapter!**

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><p><strong>May 11th 3:01 AM<strong>

You were born! It was long and hard but it'll all be worth it when I get to finally see your wonderful face.

I haven't yet, and that's why I'm eagerly scribbling this here! Cause it's seemed like hours since the midwife left the room with your tiny little body in her arms. I've been exhausted all night of course, and just now have I found the drive to gather up this book and write to you.

I only know a few things about you - and I'm holding onto _them _tight until I actually can hold _you. _

Well one, you're very early (almost a whole month!) so you're very tiny and very fragile. I suppose that might be why the midwife hasn't brought you to me for so long…

And second, you're a girl - like I always knew you would be!

I can't wait to hold you! And welcome you! And call you by the name I've wanted for you for so long.

Ella Elizabeth Lovett

I say it aloud now. I can't think of a more perfect name.

I feel a longing for you. A longing I've never known - to hold you and feel you. My heart craves you-but you're just out of it's reach.

I wonder what's taking such a long time. I don't know how much longer I can wait! I'll find the energy to get out of bed and run out to find you if…

Oh! My heart skips a beat, was that a knock on the door?

Yes! Here you come my love, I'll set down my writings to actually see you, my brillant, breathtaking baby.

Welcome my child!

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><p><strong>Aw! Now come on guys! Wanna meet Ella? Review then! GOSH! XD<strong>

**It's not over! I'm planning on having three more chapter for this story.**

**And a quick question for the future! If Mrs. Lovett didn't sell pies, what would her job be? Thoughts in reviews!**

**See you next time!**


	9. Later

**Wowy! Lookie at how fast I updated!**

**Know why? Know why? Course not…well one of yah might…but that's cause you're my neighbor! Going on…I'm going on a trip with church this week and so I thought you guys would be more loving if I updating earlier rather then later XD So if you absolutely can't wait until next next tuesday to read the chapter after this one, try reading a word of this one every...idk... hour or so...**

**Thanks to my fast reviewers!**

**XDazedandConfusedX- 1. As a writer, I have yet to decide if making my readers cry is a good thing, or a bad thing. **

**2. Yes, only three more chapters, but you'll live!**

**3. A dress maker! I will be definitely thinking about that one! **

**Sweenylovett101- Girl you is staying up late! Shame shame!**

**Sheila Chiaroscura- YAY QUOTES! And another point for dressmaker!**

**Lovely- Awww! I love your rambly review! XD I appreciate you saying I have a talent with words! Means a lot to see your review in the mailbox every week!**

**That goes for the rest of my reviewers too! Yay! **

**On with this now!**

**Chapter 9!**

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><p>Here I've been for hours…not moving…not thinking…not hardly breathing.<p>

I'm not even sure what time it is or if it's day or night…I simply don't care anymore.

I picked up this notebook and this pen…cause I wanted to feel something…besides this…hollowness that is haunting me.

I'm crying. Tears are flowing out of my eyes and onto the paper and they're smearing the ink so you can't hardly read it…but that doesn't even matter anymore…

Ella…my baby girl…my sweet...little girl. Who I never got to hold…or see…or even touch.

And never will.

I was so excited to see you…to finally meet you! When the midwife came knocking on the door, I was so happy…

And I expected for her to come walking in with you in her arms and I could finally see you!

But her arms were empty.

And she had this look of…dread on her face…like…like she _hated _that she had to be the one to tell me. As if…she wished anyone else in the world could have done it.

And…she just…she just…

Why can't I simply write it? It's playing over and over in my mind like a bloody…death sentence…like it's… it's never going to stop.

She looked at me…and she said

"Eleanor…" and the way she spoke it made it feel like my heart stopped beating… "I'm sorry…but your daughter…was a stillborn. She didn't breath. And I couldn't get her to breath…I'm so sorry…"

…I'm sorry…

I'm shaking so violently I can't even hold the pen to the paper anymore…

And I wasn't paying attention anymore when she said something…something about a burial.

Your burial.

And she helped clean up a little bit, I suppose…I don't even know…I… I wasn't there. And then she packed up her things and she said…

"I'm sorry…Mrs. Lovett, but I have another patient to attend to. I'll be back to check on you next week,"

I still didn't say anything cause…

I…I died…

I died with you Ella…

I feel… you were a part of me, Ella…a part of my very being, my soul…you still are…

You were a part of my heart that got torn out and now I'm slowly dying without you.

And then my midwife left…and I just sat here…not moving…not thinking…not hardly breathing.

I don't want to breath anymore…

I want to take my breath and just give it to you!

I feel like _you _should be the one breathing…not me…

Darkness surrounds me now and it's sinking in…becoming who I am…it's dark…and it's too…all too quiet. And I can't trust anyone now…or anything.

It…engulfs me.

It swallows me whole…

Silence haunts me…I'm broken.

I run my fingers into my hair and I wrap them around my head. My nails dig tighter and tighter into my skull as if the pain could somehow stop the utter anguish I feel in my chest, in my throat, in my stomach…simply…everywhere.

I can't even see, the tears are too heavy - I can't even breath, the sobs are too violent - I can't even think, the wounds are too fresh.

I've never felt so alone…

…why god?

Why? !

Why did you have to take her away from me?

And now there's nothing…

She was my only light…my life…and I grasped her…and I had her. And you knocked her right out of my hands…and I lost her…

Why?

Why…?

Why would you _bloody _do something like that?

I don't understand! I cannot comprehend how this is fair... That I have to live the rest of my life…without her…

without you, ella…

…my love…

I never got to hold you…I never got to see you…I never got to hear you…and I never…I never got to tell you how much I love you…but I love you…

I'm sorry…

I'm sorry…

It's all my fault! I'm sorry!

God….I can't do this anymore…

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><p><strong>*covers face with hands and peeks through fingers* Please don't kill me XD<strong>

**Reviews (madness and lovingness) will be wonderful to see when I get back! And remember, still two more chapters!**


	10. June 10th 3:01 AM

**O.o**

**What an overwhelming amount of reviews! This'll be a long thank you list…I'll try and keep it short… yeah…fail**

**Thanks to **

**Sheila Chiaroscura and Lady Halloween for favoriting!**

**And thanks to…**

**Samantha Eleanor Lestrange- Holy cheezit that's…good, I guess! =) (and btw, I like that…holy cheezit…teehee…)**

**Inuyasha6457- lol. This is my solemn promise to all of my readers that I will never kill Mrs. Lovett off in any of my…no…in **_**this **_**fic. - I hate the ending of the movie the way it is!**

**XDazedandConfusedX - *hangs head in shame* sowwy… So…if it's a good thing then…I'm glad I made you cry! But that sounds so awful! XD Thanks for the other random review, may sound stalkerish, but I love your stalkerishness…lol**

**Sheila Chiaroscura- Once again, YAY QUOTES! And yes…there's a quote from Helena Bonham Carter saying how she based Mrs. Lovett off of a mother who had lost her child. I quiet like the idea…unfortunately that leads me to writing chapters like the last one!**

**Violet-revenge- I know…it's ever so tragic, eh?**

**Lady Halloween- Thanks and I'm glad to hear your friend made it. I was a preme too…don't know if they ever thought I was gonna die though…lol**

**Lovely- *comes into your chambers and hugs you…then starts to cry with you too* Thanks for not killing me! I like life!**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx- Sorry reader! And lets face it…her murderous act wasn't for nothing…Albert was a jerk anyway…XD**

**MissusTodd- Intense, complex, and relatable…well thanks! Makes me feel special =)**

**Sweenylovett101 - Thanks for reviewing here even though you gave me your very upset individual review in person….**

**Wowy! TEN! YOU GUYS ARE FREAKING AMAZING! **

**But, lets get on with it…shall we? =)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

**June 10th**

**3:01 AM**

The days are long, hot, and hollow.

They drag on and on with no purpose.

It's been a month now since I had you…and lost you…and I'm not exactly sure why I'm even writing.

You're not here...you never will be. I can write, and pray, and wait. But it won't bring you back to the embrace we never shared.

Benjamin visits less and less often, it seems. I can't blame him. Every time he does, all I can do is hug my knees to my chest and look blindly out the window and nod and shake my head at his meaningless questions: "How's your day?" "Wonderful weather, isn't it?" "Feeling up to going someplace today?"

How does he expect me to respond? Does he expect me to paste a smile on my face and strike up an elaborate conversation? Does he expect me to whip myself out of my seat and sling my arm around his for a stroll? I wish I could…but it simply doesn't work like that anymore.

I don't ever even utter a word. I haven't talked to anyone for so long…besides to you…and you're not even here to hear me.

So Benjamin simply…hasn't enjoyed my presence. I suppose I can't blame him. I don't particularly enjoy having myself around either_, _for that matter.

Besides, Mr. Barker has his own family to attend to. Johanna's almost a year now I suppose…and Ben tells me that _he _thinks Lucy might be pregnant again…

I hope not.

I _pray _not.

It simply wouldn't be fair for her to have _two _healthy children _and _the most brilliant man I know…and I have nothing.

It'd kill me.

It already does.

A week after, my midwife came back to ensure I was doing alright, I suppose. Well after she shoved food down my throat, cause I hadn't been eating. I just didn't have the appetite, I still don't…really.

But anyway, afterwards, she began to talk about your burial again…

I yelled at her. I mean, did she actually have to bring that up to me?

"Wot's the point?" I screamed "Nobody ever bloody loved her but me!"

…

So I don't know. Cause she got angry with me and left…so I'm sorry love. I don't even know what's happened to you. I don't want to know…it's all too painful to imagine you so small…so pale…and so cold.

I can't stand this… I can't take it anymore! I can't stand talking and writing to you as if you're still here…or…or as if you're going to magically show up one of these days! As if I can still potentially have you.

I can't stand seeing this bloody journal sitting on my bloody shelf every time I walk by! With those big, cursive letters on the front:

_**Love Letters to my Unborn Child **_

I feel the bloody compulsion every night to pick it up and read through the other nine entries.

And it _hurts _- to read about my excitement, my happiness, my worry, my sacrifices.

And for what? For a journal full of this shit…and stuff I don't want any memory of…engraved forever in these pages…engraved forever in my mind…

Is this what you want? For me to torture myself by reading this? Is it you who compels me to pick up this bloody journal every night?

Ella! I love you so much that everyday I cry and I cry until my face burns and I can't hardly breath! I know I've said it a million times but I love you and I can't stand that you're dead! Just gone! Just like that!

And I can't take it how everyone tries to hide it behind their eyes…but they can't. They say it's my fault…it's _always _the mothers fault.

And whether I wore that bloody corset for too long or I didn't eat healthy or I didn't do whatever the hell I was suppose to do, it's too late now and it's all my fault and I can't stand that, Ella! I can't take it!

I hardly see what to live for anymore…

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><p><strong>Oh! Hang in there my loves. <strong>

**For those of you who have been sticking with Mrs. Lovett, even when she's not much of a joy to have around, let me promise you, that things can and will get better for her!**

**There's only one chapter left…how yah gonna do that? **

**Well that certainly isn't enough time to rekindle a dead spirit, is it now?**

**So I guess I'll have to announce here that Love Letters to My Unborn Child is actually the first of a (as of right now) three part series! (but if I let my mind keep wondering like it often does…it might actually end up being even LONGER)**

**YAY!**

**So far, I've got eleven chapters written out, (two in the second part, and the rest in the third) and I am planning on thirteen!**

**Keep up the reviewing and I will keep up the posting!**

**Love you guys!**


	11. June 10th 4:15 AM

**YAY! It's Tuesday! Man I love Tuesdays! **

**Here we are! My wonderful reviewers!**

**XDazedandConfusedX- I freaking love you too! XD Haha, you make me happy**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx- Well our depressed, miserable, sad woman won't become totally happy in one chapter so we'll have to wait a few. And yeah, Mm, sexy, beautiful, Benjamin. Just agreeing XD**

**Sheila Chiaroscura- QUOTES SPASM! And I like what you said about their reversed roles, I didn't notice that!**

**Samantha Eleanor Lestrange- Oh why thank you love! And BTW, have I said yet how much love your user name! ?**

**Epic One- O.o Well I've for sure never gotten a review lik****e that before! I love it! XD**

**Lovely- I'm glad you're happy for MOAR (XD) and making popcorn to read my fanfiction? I FEEL SOOOOOO SPECIAL!**

**Sweenylovett101- Sorrrrryyyyy I cussed XD Remember what I said about the emotion love XD glad to know you still love me! I love (cove) you too!**

**Melody Hightopp Todd-….AHAHAHAHA! Your review made me uncontrollably laugh for like…ever…haha…oh boy, I don't know what else to say. XDXDXDXD**

**Dattestakida- Who just started reading! Glad you likely!**

**Other thanks-**

**xX-LadypersoN-Xx who favorited! **

**Twigsandbones for story alerting!**

**Dattestakida who also favorited dee story and favoriteing meeeeeeee!**

**YAY**

**And another quick thanks to my friend Lindsey for subconsciously helping me with some quotes for this chapter! **

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><p><strong>4:15 AM<strong>

I'm sorry love…I'm sorry you have to watch me go through all of this. To the point where I can't see what I'm scribbling through the tears and I'm shaking and crying so hard that it hurts like I really have died.

Well…I've had some thoughts…I guess.

In the dead of the morning, before the light even comes, when the streets are quiet and the house is quieter still…and the stillness gives me room to calm down and breath. And if I drift far enough from where I am…I can feel your little hand in my own.

I know you never meant to hurt anyone…we…never meant to hurt anyone…I… never meant to hurt myself.

So…

You can't change the past…but you definitely can change the future.

I'm going to take your smile you never got to show…your love you never got to give…and your life that you never got to live…and I'm going to boldly move on with it.

Because you _were _here, Ella…you never took a breath but you certainly did live. And because of that, I'm a better person.

I can't exactly say how yet…but I am.

I'll never forget you, my love. I'll never forget how happy you made me…and how much joy you brought me in the only eight months that we had each other.

I'll never love _anyone _like I loved you.

Hm…Unconditional love…that's what I take from you. From your life. I take it…and I run with it. And whoever I love for the rest of my life I'll love unconditionally…just for you.

Ella.

Ella Elizabeth Lovett.

I take these love letters now…I hold all of them in my hand and I clutch them until my knuckles turn white…because for six months they were my life, they were all I had.

Then I had you.

And I still have you.

You're in my heart. You're a part of it. You keep it going everyday, every minute, every single beat.

So I bring these letters to the hearth, and I toss them in the fire and watch them burn.

Watch the blaze eat at the edges as I lean into the flame until the heat dries away all my tears…like it's you, drying away all of my tears.

To you Ella.

Only for you.

I live everyday.

I love everyday.

I promise.

* * *

><p><strong>Tada!<strong>

**Alright loves, without missing a beat, the second part will begin next Tuesday as normal. Be looking out for it. It's going to be called "Love Letters To My Departed Daughter" How about a little sneak preview?**

**Yes? A few Quotes then…**

"**Then…love letters to my departed daughter…as much as it hurts to write to you and know you'll never see it, it hurts more to think that you simply wouldn't of cared how I feel."**

"**So I'll write these letters, still, to you, cause sometimes I can still hear you. Every time I hear a child cry, every time I hear an innocent laugh. And sometimes I can still feel you. Every time the wind tickles my hair against my face, like it's you tiny fingers. And every tear that falls might just be you…crying for your mum. Instead of your mum, crying for you."**

"**Ella Elizabeth Lovett. The best thing that's ever happened. The most wonderful thing, here, sleeping before my eyes."**

**Excited? Confused?**

**I should hope maybe?**

**Thanks everyone for reading my most popular story! I WANT TO GIVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU A FLYING TACKLE HUG! Even you guys who haven't reviewed =) **

**See you next week!**


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